:( Darn frownie faces, and the feelings behind them.

I hate how I can feel this feeling.

I hate feeling like I have a lump in my throat when I look around a place, look out a window, listen to it's sounds.

I don't want to be able to go from one feeling to another, so drastically, anymore.

I was doing really well--I really thought I was. :(

I was enjoying my week, and I was in an okay state of mind with knowing I'd be going "home" within days. Somewhere I lost my grip on that, and within ten minutes ago, I lost my hold completely.

I looked out the window.

That's all it took this time. I looked out the window, into the darkness, and I don't want to leave. I don't want to go. I ..don't want to go back.

Earlier this week, I felt like I was stabilized in feeling ready to take on the world upon my return to town, like this time would be right, this time would be different-- more settled, more stabled.

It all ..went out the window.

I hate feeling the way I feel.

I hate being able to feel these feelings, feeling like my heart is apart from my body.

I don't know what to do about it, I don't know where to go, I don't know what drugs to take, I don't know who to talk to, what to say, I don't know why it stops or goes, I don't know whether it'll ever stop, I don't know how to keep pretending like I don't feel like this, I don't know how to quit going from extreme to extreme, from plan to plan to lack of plan.

If there's medicine, I would take it!
If there's a drug, I'll do it!
If there's a plan, I'll try so hard that my nose bleeds.

Someone just help me.
I'm calling an SOS.
I don't want to do this anymore.