Decision made. 9:27a, 2/25/10.

You know, ..I thought I was being provided signs before.

But.. I think..


Well, I think I think that my maturity-levels and the wisdom and knowledge I'd've gained from these twenty or so years, are supposed to help advance me, instead of keep me idle in the one position.

I think that with what I know, and what I've learned, and what I've realized, and so on, that ..the "signs" I've been recieving, even lately, are what I'm supposed to look into, and then through. For my betterment. For my lesser niaveness.

And, ..of course, I was looking at it, and taking it and running with it. You know. Instead.


Because that's just how I am. That's just "my personality." Well... Ha

I think.. That some brighter, more vibrant signs have just come into focus.


And, yeah, I'm somewhat being sought after by someone that I don't exactly mind being sought by, and maybe one or two others.. And yeah, that could technically be taken into consideration (but, just as before, it would be a mistake to include this sort of subject into the decision-making process, just as before, just as always) (thus, it wasn't, and isn't), but not this time. It's a warmer feeling though. And I could really use a warmer feeling.

But. Other things. Like.. the good things I have. I have some situations that are ..well, technically.. really great. Really convenient, really perfect (even though I allow myself to, a lot of times, feel like it's not, because I'm too tired, too irritated, too unhappy, too stationary). Not just the situations, but some factors that were pushing me in the opposite direction, are seemingly pulling me here, too.

I've read a lot of articles lately (I have no idea how they're getting sent to my email, but I'm rolling with it), about how 'settling' isn't really settling. It's accepting. And it's the best thing any of us could do really. And it's true.


I'm not really 'settling' by staying here. I'm accepting my lot in life at this point. I'm working. I'm going to school. I'm living, and paying for it. I'm where I am. This is where I'm at.

I don't have many friends here, and I don't feel so exotic. But, I do have very great people in my life. And I have enough jobs to hand out to homeless people, and still be okay myself. I am in an okay-spot, for my age. I didn't fail yet, because I haven't truly tried anything.


I think, it's time to calm down. Shoot the anxiety a pill, or something.


Be a big kid now. Now isn't forever. Granted, forever isn't promised.
That doesn't make now any the less nice.


_x___