OH MAN.

How could I ..do what I've done?

How could I.. turn my back on the one piece of security that I have?


How was I so blind? And blind before that?

Oh, man.


I needed it put to me like it was. I needed to hear the gentler side of it all.
The loving side, not just the "plan" part. Not just the "forgiving" part. I needed love. I needed to hear about His love for me.


"God's counting on us." THAT is what she said.

God ..is counting on us.


The whole thing about it is, ..I'm not supposed to be concerned about me. He has my back. I'm here to help others, to help protect, and provide support to others! I knew this, of course, but ..put the way it was put. That's ..why we're here.

To help each other. To help you. To help them.


"Give it to God." Okay. Dude, I will!! I'll give it all to God, because He's promising to take care of me. According to his plan, and no one else's. Not mine. Not my plan.

I'll give it to God, and I'll spread the love around. I will.


Today in the salon, a stylist was listening to me talk about things.. And, she said that I shouldn't be so bitter about being the "grounded one" in my family. That I shouldn't feel so irritated or angry or upset about being the one people count on, and look to for advice and support, or just an ear. ..That I should open my eyes, and realize how gifted I am, for being that person. For being that part of the family.

She was right. I knew it as soon as she said it. I just needed to hear it, I guess, because I was stuck on the one side of things. My side. And news flash, ..it's not ABOUT me.

I'm here for you! I'm here for all of you, and for anyone. I'm not a passive person, I'm not exactly a people-pleaser, or a sucker. I just know how to help sometimes. I know what you need to hear sometimes. I know what you're feeling sometimes.

I'm here for you. I'm going to be here for you, like He's here for me.


It is a gift, and I will acknowledge that from now on. I may need reminders, but I'm just like you, I get off track.


AND you know what? I am SO sorry for that note-post I made on Facebook. I was so out of line, I can't even begin to explain or try to make up some false excuse. I was so wrong. And ungrateful. And I should've been struck.

I had no right.

I tripped. Really hard. Fell, nearly on my face. 10/03/09 will be a date to remember.

I'll be here. He's here. He is here. ..And I couldn't be happier.