Since when did I become my own worst enemy?

I had a mediocre beginning to my day. Getting irritated easily, and stomping my heels on the tile.

I had an alright lunch break w my unexpected fam.

Came back to work w a better mood. Better attitude.

Got a surprise visit from my friends. Talked.


Got happy, excessively happy, then depressed.

Because I've done it again.


I don't know when I'll ever make the right decision.

I don't know when I'll stop being the way I am.

I don't want to do this. I don't WANT to be this way. I didn't specifically ask for this.

I'm really sorry to be this way. Much more sorry than you'd be able to believe. And I honestly understand that. I just wish that it could be different.



I hate being me.

I hate being me, who does this.

I hate being me, who does this and expects change.

I hate being me.



I am my own worst enemy. And I don't like it.

I hate it.

I want to be right, for myself.
I want to do what needs to be done for myself.

I love God.
If I didn't, believe I'd be gone.


I don't want to play my own game anymore.
The more I keep going, the more I believe the bullshit I come up with, and the more disappointed I become. Disappointed at life, and my potential, with myself, at myself.

I've got problems. And they make me throw up.