PS, My life sucks because I let it suck, and sometimes even MAKE it suck.

I just want to know what the matter is with me.

I can't keep doing this. Keep playing these games with people. With myself.


I don't know if it's really far past issues that are leading me to be such a fuck-up in these type of situations, or if it was Mark, or if it's just me. I really don't know.

I feel like I have this blockage, to where I can't force myself to think past it, in order to analyze myself to find out the true problem. Or possible problem, or lead. I can't get past the blockage. And I'm not fighting to.



I thought I was ready.

This just makes me think that I'm still just NOT ready.

Which makes me feel even shittier, kind of.

STILL NOT READY? Really??

..Really?!




There's something wrong. Some part of me needs tweaked. Some part of me is a second off.

I don't like the way that makes me feel.


I feel like I'm in my prime, and if I can't reel one in now, then I'm a loner for sure. But the problem isn't reeling someones in, it's the whole ..me keeping interest/me being comfortable/me being able to go forth instead of making that someone drag me forward, against my will... thing.

Makes me feel scared. Being alone forever.
I didn't realize how lonely I am, until a short while ago.
And now that I've recognized it in myself, I feel naseaus and suffocated by it.

Like, I need to relieve myself somehow, and quick. But how? OH, I know HOW. ...NOT.

My ideas are terrible.

Haha




Seriously though.
Terrible.


Sincerely,
Terribly Thought-Out Tab